May 8, 2002
Welcome to this issue of the News Flash. Jaffo's back, and he's still spiffy from his head to his toes. Don't believe me, write me for the picture ... I have proof! He has mumbled something about war though, you don't suppose he's serious do you?
On another note, Mother's Day is next Sunday. Make plans now to make your Mom feel special.
Ann
Johnson
Captain Ann Johnson
Military secrets are
the most fleeting of all.
... Spock, "The Enterprise Incident," stardate 5027.4..
Logboards are ready! Check them out at: http://www.asghorizon.org/logboards/ Don't forget to sign up, it's very easy and fast and will allow you to see all the new posts. To sign up as a user, go to "Register" at the top right menu and fill out the short form. I've heard Fates might be using it to post, and a Marine sim is in the works. Very spiffy as Jaffo would say.
This year not only marks the release of Attack of the Clones, but is also the 25th anniversary of the entire Star Wars saga. Don't you think it's time you found out what all the hype is about? Join the crew of the Avenger, Saturdays at 9:15 and live the life as a Jedi Knight!
"I suggest a new strategy, Artoo. Let the Wookiee win."
~Threepio
Dear Jaffo,
Why are wrong numbers (ie: dialing the wrong phone number) never busy?
Busy Bee,
Treggarville ND
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Dear Busy Bee,
To be honest, I have never been able to give questions like this much thought without having my brain just implode in a messy detonation of blood spray and bone splinters.... Great, now I've gone and made myself hungry. But back to your question... I believe it's just one of Life's Little Mysteries, close kin to the Absurdly Illogical Daily Occurrences species, from the Mongol-Swede region of the Marianas Trench (that's in Iowa, for all you non-geography buffs out there).
Personally though, I think there is very much a higher order to these sorts of quirks in our lives. For instance, did you ever notice that 9 times out of 10 you won't realize the milk in your refrigerator has gone bad until you pour it onto/into something? And why is it that you can put all the money you want into a bank, but you can't take ALL of it out without closing your account? How can a dishwasher make food stick to a plate even more than when you first put it in there? Why do squirrels tend to suffer from subarachnoid hemorrhaging when strapped to a small rocket-propelled submarine vehicle that immediately dives for the bottom of the ocean? When will I stop asking innane questions and get around to answering a question that I have no way of knowing the answer to?
::Gets slapped around by Ann:: Vicious cycle I tell you... Like the sheep in the days of old, I think that wrong numbers are always picking up because the people who are getting called have nothing better to do. There's a little fairy (quite buxom and feisty I might add) who goes flitting about around the phonelines of the world, screwing up signals and crosswiring connections. Why would she do this, you ask? Well it all has to do with the Parthenon, a bus full of Methodists, and a sad but true tale of romance gone awry that would take too long to divulge the full details of here at the News Flash. But now Trixie (not to be confused with the fruit cereal where the rabbit suffers alone in misery, deprived of a tasty cereal that's part of a complete breakfast), the phone fairy, spends all her time diverting calls to the wrong people who just happen to be home. Trixie likes to think she's doing a good deed, by bringing a little humor and excitement to people who have nothing better to do than sit by a phone all day long (secretaries/receptionists included). But I think she's just in cahoots with that Verizon guy that can't stop saying "Can you hear me now? Good!"
A Sad Strange Little Man,
Jaffo
MURPHY'S LAWS OF COMBAT
1. If the enemy is in range, so are
you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of
way.
3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws
fire.
4. There is always a way.
5. The easy way is always mined.
6. Try to look unimportant, they may be
low on ammo.
7. Professionals are predictable, it's
the amateurs that are dangerous.
8. The enemy invariably attacks on two
occasions:
a. when you're ready
for them.
b. when you're not
ready for them.
9. Teamwork is essential, it gives them
someone else to shoot at.
10. If you can't remember, then the
claymore is pointed at you.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
QUICK
LOGIC
See
how your logic is in figuring this out:
What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it
away?
The answer is Charcoal.
In Homer Simpson's words: hmmmm... Barbecue.
Star Wars
Icons
Babylon 5
StarTrek Services
Prior Issues Feb 17, 2002 : Feb 24, 2002: March 3, 2002: March 10, 2002: March 17, 2002: April 13, 2002: April 28, 2002
