March 17, 2002
Welcome to this week's issue of the News Flash. St Patty's day is today for those of you that like green hair and believe in leprechauns. I know I've got my green duct tape out for the occasion! Other than that, we have a few good things happening in the ASG. We are still working behind the scenes on the website, the Staff area and working to advertise ourselves in and around the web. If you have a favorite place that you like to surf and they sponsor group links let us know and we will see about getting our name out there. I'm also working on an comic addition of the News Flash dedicated to Star Trek so be looking for that. In the mean time, check out the Top Ten at the end of this issue.
Captain Ann Johnson
The last couple of weeks have been very interesting in the ASG. We have 8 new members which I would like everyone to welcome. Please make them feel welcome and help them get to the sims.
Admiral Vicky Howe
Commander in Chief, ASG for AOL members
Our way is
... Septimus, "Bread and Circuses," .
I know you probably want to get away from the socks questions but oddly enough I was watching Mr. Rogers neighborhood the other day and he visited a sock factory. It's pretty amazing how socks are made, I wish I had taped it so you could watch too. But that wasn't what has prompted me to write, it's the fact that he was making sock puppets. Now his sock puppet was a black and white stripped affair which he called Stripe. He just had Stripe talking away and being real cute and saucy. The problem was after 10 minutes he decided Stripe needed hair! Hair! I couldn't believe it. He found some red yarn and added that to Stripes head. Can you imagine the fashion no no this would be? Oh, the hair clashed with his button eyes and his striped body, it almost made my heart stop for a minute. My question to you is what should I do? Shall I write to Mr. Rogers and tell him to take that awful red hair off Stripe? Shall I turn him over for prosecution? What kind of charges could we bring against Mr. Rogers for making such a fashion faux? Will you help? Can you?
Dear Stripes Supporter,
Thank you wholeheartedly for bringing up such a grave error on Mr. Rogers' part. Though this kind of situation doesn't come up often, I think the safest method of dealing with his utter abandonment of fashion etiquette would be to call the HITMAN. Not one of the traditional hitmen so often portrayed in gritty drama movies, but the HITMAN (Hedgehog Interrogation TeaM posing As Ninjas). The HITMAN is a loyal and stalwart group of hedgehogs, and I find their services to be most useful in all kinds of situations where I just don't know the answer to all of lifes most pertinent questions...or just where I misplaced my car keys. Sure a few people may have to be tortured or horribly disfigured in the process, but if it'll get me back my car keys I'm willing to let everyone pay the price. In times past, the HITMAN has helped me answer things like: "Why does the chicken cross the road?", "Why do 7-11s have locks on the door if they're open 24 hours?", and most recently "Just how long would it take for a platoon of squirrels jacked up on speed to level an old folk's home?"
Getting to the heart of the matter, I feel that maybe Mr. Rogers' faux pas was a cry for help. Let's face it, the guys been doing that gig for God knows how long, and he's starting to realize that he can't get away with a whole lot of rebel attitude over there. If I recall right, his first and only attempt to rip one and blame it on the Trolley sent his Nielsen ratings crashing through the floor. And let us not forget those hideous zipper-sweaters he insists on wearing every show. Maybe they're not the beloved garments of a delusional old man convinced his mission in life is to bring warmth and joy to the hearts of all children. (Who we all know is Santa. I mean, come on: Mr. Rogers shows you a few puppets and tours through weird places like shoelace factories and workshops where they make outhouse doors. Santa brings cold hard cash or gifts, and leaves quickly and quietly without departing any moral lessons or demands to work on your ability to count higher than ten.) Maybe they're actually wearable flares going up for help to bail him out of a job where he's not even allowed to tell a dirty knock knock joke every now and then. So while I could call in the HITMAN...I think I won't. True Mr. Rogers has committed a grievous mistake and must (in time) pay for it...but perhaps this is but the first step on his road to recovery.
"FIREBALL - You can check in.. but you can't check out."
Come join the Captain, Scott Iron, and his crew as they face the dangers of the universe. The USS Fireball, a modified Sovereign Class starship, meet in room USS Fireball Sunday nights at 10 eastern sharp. Want more information? Check out the website at Fireball website. Ready for some danger, some fun, and fighting with the Cardies? Then this is the place for you.
This month we are featuring the Sim profile section of the website. The times and days have been updated and ship motto's have been added. In addition most of the individual website links have been linked to it. If you need times and dates this is the place to find it. http://asghorizon.org/profiles.php
The Top Ten changes if Starfleet has sponsors
10) O'Brien would say "Thank you for using the Federation Express transporter. When you absolutely, positively have to get there instantly"
9) Starfleet uniforms would carry Pepsi logos and say "Pepsi, the choice of the Next Generation
8) Main bridge viewscreen would have "VH1" in the corner
7) Holodeck doors would say Sony Trinitron System
6) Communicator pins would be in the shape of an alligator
5) Mercedes symbol painted on the saucer section
4) Turbolifts would have "OTIS ELEVATOR" signs
3) Ten-Forward would have a large neon "Miller Litespeed" sign
2) After communicator beeps, a voice says, "Thank you for using AT&T"
1) Enterprise name changed to American Express Enterprise
Source: StarTrek Top Ten Lists
WARS Technical Commentaries
SCI-FI and Fantasy Wallpaper
Earth force R&D
Prior Issues Feb 17, 2002 : Feb 24, 2002: March 3, 2002: March 10, 2002