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March 3, 2002

        Thanks to ASGSeth, the Command Staff was currently given an analysis of hits, webpages and files  to our website over the last year.  I must say that I found it very interesting, but also meaningful as far as membership in the ASG is going.  I know, I know, I shouldn't relate hits to membership, but as I look around to what is happening in the ASG I'm excited about the energy and excitement that has been generated in the last few months.  I'm not sure what happened last October, but February showed 3 times the hits that we got back then.  

        Perhaps it was the weather, summer vacation, school, or loss of interest back then, but I can see a steady rise of interest each month in our website.  In other words... We are on our way to bringing the ASG back... I can see you.. the member, the Command Staff and administration all working together to make the ASG one of the best sim groups around.  I know there are other, bigger sim groups out there, but I also know that we offer what they don't.  Babylon 5, A fantasy sim, Star Wars and Star Trek.  I like that about the ASG, the diversity and the friendliness.

        Anyway, I think Vicky mentions this later but I'd like to repeat it:  If you have some time and would like to help out, thank you.  If you have a suggestion, send it in.  And if you just want to comment about something, that's great too.  Don't be shy, the Command Staff is here to help you and listen to you.  This group is all about you the simmer and although we can't initiate every suggestion, your voice is heard.

Anne Johnson

Captain Ann Johnson


        The past couple of months have been a busy time for those working behind the scenes of the ASG.  We have been slowly moving things forward in hopes of providing something that the simmers will enjoy.  First off, we have added a new sim to the schedule.  It is called Fates.  This is a fantasy sim where you develop your character and plunge in with zest into the world of Fates.  If you are interested please contact

        We have had a couple of brainstorming sessions about recruiting recently.  The ASG is always looking for new ways to get new members.  If anyone has a suggestion please contact LtCTreggar ( or Hunter2299 (

        Please drop by the ASG website frequently.  ASGSeth is always adding something new and different to the site.  Sim schedules are posted there along with information about the sims.  There are new links also to the Star Trek terminology for those that need a refresher, Alliance Simulation Group for AOL

Vicky Howe

Rear Admiral Vicky Howe


Sim Schedule

Live long and prosper.
... Spock, "Amok Time," stardate 3372.7..


        The ASG has begun a new sim/rpg!  It is called ASG-Fates and is an original universe Medieval Fantasy sim. This sim will be based on E-mail writing, as well as chat room simming every couple of weeks or so to sort out plotlines and actions.  However, it is possible to participate in  only one or the other if you contact LakeASG to make those arrangements.  This will be the ASG's first Medieval Fantasy sim, and will include three main races and four kingdoms.  This sim has been influenced by the by the works of J.R.R. Tolkien books and is not intended to be historically correct as far as the true nature or time that was medieval Europe.  It sounds very exciting, and character outlines and bios are being set up now.  If you're interested be sure to contact LakeASG.




Dear Jaffo,

I loved your articles on socks and now I find that I'm trying to find a better way of hiding them to prevent them from getting lost and getting holes. I wanted to thank you for enlightening us all. Now here's my question: I've always loved the Smurfs, but why are they so small and why is Smurfette the only female smurf?? It's been a question that has been bothering me for years and anything you can do to inform me would be super!


The Non-blue Smurf

***********************     ***********************

Dear Non-blue Smurf,

Thank you for the lovely compliments on all things sock-like! I do what I can for the little people. Getting to your question, Smurfs were not always so small. No, in fact they actually looked like normal human beings a long long time ago. You see Smurfs were a rather bawdy and drunken lot, and often fancied strange games involving bodily noises and a tolerance for noxious fumes. They even spent centuries perfecting a martial arts system based solely on bodily explosions, called Googohawahado*. The human body just isn't made for that kind of ridiculously humorous stress, and as a result the entire community of Smurfs imploded on the spot. Their blue skin tone came about as a total loss of oxygen from their attempt at creating a new bodily explosion.

As for why Smurfette is the only female Smurf, that answer is still widely speculated by scholars and Smurf historians. My own personal theory is that due to the generally dismissive attitudes of Smurf women towards Googohawahado, there was likely a small handful of Smurf women willing to attempt sneezing and belching at the same time. Smurfette was such a woman. Unfortunately my theory has declined in popularity, after several incidents at Oxford lectures involving volleyballs filled with kerosene and goats with RPGs (Rocket Propelled Grenades)... Regardless of how Smurfette came to me, there is a question far more important that few have asked: Why on earth did she insist on wearing pumps with that necklace? I mean, sandals and a brooch would have had so much more impact and pizazz. Alas, the great thinkers of our time may never know.

*Translated from Smurfinese: The way of "Good god, what was that?!"





            The ASG training sim, the Vengeance 3 has been set up for those new Cadets in the ASG.  Come meet, talk and train with the staff of the ASG.  Everyone is welcome whether you're new or old to the ASG.  Got some time on your hands?  Contact Freek ASG for additional information or to set up a time if you can't make the Vengeance.  V3 meets every Sunday night at 9 eastern under the command of FreekASG  in the AOL/AIM room: aol://2719:10-4-BFA%20Vengeance%203.  This is a required sim for those of you interested in being promoted.


            ASGSeth and the Command Staff has been working hard on the website this month.  Seth has made some changes to the Application, the Term page, and is working on setting up a board forum for us.  After a bit of testing I think this might be a fun way to keep in touch with other members.  Kudos to Seth.  I've also noticed that the Sim Schedule page is now up to date.   Got some time, take a look.

The Trek Nation - Broken Bow
Starwars the Official Site




Prior Issues  Feb 17, 2002 : Feb 24, 2002: March 3, 2002